Life has been a bit heavy recently and I guess I've been feeling like I just want a break from that. Thursday was an interesting day, I had a really intense emotional release after something that happened that morning. It was like a wound that had been sitting dormant in me was suddenly open and it demanded my attention. I was crying and crying and then I had a shower to literally try and wash it away, it worked a bit but it was still there. I talked with Tom about it and cried more, just allowing it to come out, not trying to stop it but to accepting it and letting it be. I figured out it was a wound from childhood that had never been acknowledged and felt the power in acknowledging it and letting it all flow.
Thursday evening was a circle evening and I was so grateful to be able to share what was going on for me that day. We also talked about creativity and in my share I said how I want to be able to just let go of any need to control what's going on and just be in a flow with life, completely surrendered, at ease and following what I am guided to. I branded my circles as 'She Flows' so it all makes perfect sense that what I am trying to bring attention to in others, I need to bring attention to the same thing within myself.
So, after the circle I went to bed and the next day Tom and I went to London for Radikha Das’ gig as Tom was doing the sound for it. I felt lighter when I woke up, a million times better than I had felt the previous day and that something had shifted. I felt more joy and positivity and like something had been released from my being.
When we arrived at the venue I had to go and park the car. I get quite nervous driving in London and so whenever we go and I have to move the car I get anxious, there are just so many cars and one way systems and people and it’s just hectic so my mind tells me I can’t cope, however, this time, I got in the car, heard the fear and anxiety and said, thanks but no thanks, I am going to be fine and this anxiousness is not helpful in this situation. Well, that was literally like a magic spell.
I started driving and had three different ways I could have gone but this other voice I heard just said ‘go straight on’ so I did. I drove down that road and there it was again ‘go left’ so I went left, I then very quickly found a car parking space, which if you know central London, isn’t the easiest of things to find. The space was free from 6:30pm and you could stay for 2 hours, it was 4pm, so the voice said ‘sit here for 30 mins and then call to pay’ so I did that, that meant I didn’t have to move the car again. I left the car and started walking down the road ‘go back and check the car.’ I turned back and checked it and saw that I’d left something had Tom asked me to bring him! I locked the car and started walking back to the venue. I wanted to get some food but thought ‘ah, I will just drop this off and come back in a bit’ but no, that voice had other ideas… ‘Cross the road again and walk down that side of the street.’ So, I did. I then walked past a charity shop and the voice said ‘go in there’. I went in and was very quickly quite excited because I could see some beautiful things. I realised I was in Islington and so the things in this charity shop would be pretty nice. I found myself really enjoying being in there, looking through all the clothes and finding things I LOVED, I felt so present. I found 2 lovely dresses, a top and some jeans, jeans that I have actually been wanting but hadn’t found any I liked and there I was in this charity shop finding what I had been looking for (turns out U2 just need to tune into their intuition more). I finally got some food and then headed back to the venue with a big spring in my step because I’d just had amazing communion with my higher self and experienced the gifts given when I listen to it.
When I reflected on this and just how my energy felt much lighter, I noted my massive emotional release the previous day and realised that is where it all came from. By being with that wound, allowing the feelings to flow out of me, allowing myself to cry and cry and accepting where I was that day, I made space for new energy to take its place, a renewed sense of who I am, a lighter, more positive energy that was waiting for me to clear that heaviness that had been weighing me down, probably for quite a long time. With that new energy came my ability to turn off my fear and ego and to tap into what is the most magical part of me/us, intuition, it’s actual magic and it’s there, at our disposal, if we let ourselves listen to it.
As I said earlier, when in circle the other evening, talking about creativity, I said I want to create a flow in myself where I can follow where I am guided to and the next day, all of this beauty came to me and I want more of it, so I will work on being with my emotions more, allowing them and letting them shift and then listening more and more to that part of myself, my intuition, learning what it FEELS like to reside in that place and therefore, hopefully experience even more magic in life.
I'd love to hear your experiences from listening to your intuition/shifting emotions so please share if you feel to.
Bhole Baba Ki Jai!
Much love xxx