"Successful mothers are not the ones that have never struggled. They are the ones that never give up, despite the struggles."
I want to start a series on this blog to talk about the highs and lows of motherhood, to share my experiences and my deep truths. After the first Mother's Morning Retreat I held, we all realised we don't have enough places to delve deep into how we feel as Mother's, to share the challenges we face daily and to know we are not alone.
So, today, today was a particularly hard day. I am due on my period so I am not feeling my best self at all and my daughter, Alara, didn't nap. For those with toddlers, I know you know how this feels, to have your small window of time taken from you, the time when you can just take a breather and maybe have lunch alone, sit in silence or just watch T.V that YOU want to watch. Alara is a really amazing sleeper (touch wood), so I am really lucky and feel I am being so ungrateful when she doesn't sleep for a day or two in the week, but that time keeps me sane, it keeps me from being a beast myself and today I was a beast.
My PMS certainly has not helped me but I realised I didn't really help myself either. Instead of just letting myself feel and being kind and gentle to myself, I did the opposite, I beat myself up and allowed my inner critic to be the loudest voice I heard and then of course Alara felt that from me too and that didn't help her either. I felt so guilty all day and still do as I write this but I suppose that's a part of motherhood right? We just have to navigate it in the best possible way and not let it consume us. Also, I'm not perfect and shouldn't expect myself to be and Alara doesn't expect me to be either, she just wants love.
Ideally I would love to just be alone for the two days before my period but unfortunately that isn't possible, so, what do I do? I feel my teaching here is to LOVE MYSELF WHOLLY! I need to tell myself, as I do Alara, that it's ok to feel all the feelings, they're all welcome and they're all ok and if I just kept reminding myself of that then maybe that acceptance would translate into tenderness rather than a resistance, maybe I could just drop into presence and enjoy what life is offering me in the moment.
Of course this is all easier said than done and so I think it's important to also take the time out if I do need to, to just let Alara know that I need a few moments rest or quiet and hope she will join me in that.
Do you ever feel like this?
Are there ways that you manage it?
I'd love to hear from you.